Embarrassing was NOT part of the critieria

A wonderful friend of mine (herein known as former friend) pointed out a glaring omission from my last post. One thing that is uniquely me, quite disgusting and altogether embarrassing. I'll add it because I am dedicated to truth in all aspects. Actually, no, I'd just really like some comments.

9. I always have used, but completely un-gross, tissues in my pockets. I have been known to have them up my sleeve (long sleeves only) when pockets are not available. I have allergies. I need tissues. I'm frugal. It all adds up to saving the earth by reusing tissues. See, I'm not gross, I'm green, but not as in snot. Ok, maybe a little.

I was recently cleaning out my purse because it was honestly embarrassing. I had a huge fistful of used tissues to throw away. I'm not proud of it. And it kinda makes me a little sick to my stomach right now given my aversion to all things snot. I think I smell a New Years Resolution. No pun intended.

Ok, so I'm odd.

Brad and I help out with the youth group at church. Yeah, I feel bad for those youth as well. Anytime I say or type "youth" all I can think about is My Cousin Vinny and how he says "the two youts". So funny. Anyway, last night we went around the room and talked about things we think are abnormal or interesting about us. Needless to say, this took awhile. So since then I've been thinking more about mine. Here are a few. Feel free to add any if you know them about me.

1. I used to have a pet skunk.
2. I am double jointed in my thumbs and index fingers.
3. I like nuts, but refuse to eat them on anything. They are only good by themselves.
4. I have an unnatural obsession with fiber.
5. I don't really like chocolate ice cream, but love chocolate.
6. I can bend my index fingers back really far and it freaks Brad out. I love it.
7. I apologize for stuff all the time for no reason. I think "sorry" comes out too freely for no reason and not freely enough when needed.
8. I cannot drive under the speed limit. Or drive the actual speed limit.

Thats all I can think of, but more will come to me. What is most interesting about you?

Only 6 hours, but no nightmares

The last few nights I have been plagued with nightmares. The first night it was my stepdad trying to kill me. I'm a little worried to look that one up to see what it means. And this isn't my current stepdad (my mom just got married a few months ago). Does it make it your stepdad if you don't live in the house? Is it just, then, your mother's husband? I digress. Anyway, it was my first stepdad. He basically raised me. My mother married him when I was 5 and they divorced when I was 15. Oh, glorious day. But I got a sister out of that union so it wasn't all bad. I'm not really going to talk about him on here. But I think I was dreaming of him because it was his birthday. He never liked for people not to remember. Anyway, my second night of nightmares was about zombies trying to kill me (notice the common theme?). But really, do you dream about zombies if they aren't trying to kill you? I mean, they aren't the type you bring home to mom or help you study or go shopping with (another nightmare for me).

So last night I didn't have a nightmare, but I only slept 6 hours. I also have a problem of watching scary things on tv. Things that come back to haunt me, 9 hours later, as I am closing my eyes. I may not even be really paying attention to that tv, it could just be on in the background, but lo and behold at bedtime I can recall intimate facts about that scary show. Do you ever notice that after you wake up from the nightmare, just before the zombie-stepdad kills you, that you can pick up in the same exact spot you left off? I can't do that in books I'm reading, how does my brain do that?

I'm off to make breakfast for Brad and myself. I wonder if that is his nightmare!?

Its my birthday and I'm not gonna cry

Yeah, today is my birthday. Don't worry, I'll accept presents through the end of the month so you don't have to worry about being late. I'm nice that way. For me, though, birthdays kinda suck. Don't get me wrong, any excuse for cake and presents (presents for me) is a good excuse. But I tend to think of the number of years I've been here and how much I haven't accomplished in those years. When I turned 30 I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Not anything I would need to be committed for, but close. All I could think about was how I hadn't done this and that, and how much I wanted this and that. This year I'm doing it different. I'm going to reflect on things that I have accomplished, or things that are great in my life.

1. I found my soul mate. I know this sounds cheezy, you'll be fine. I've spoken a lot about my husband on here before. He rocks. He understands me, lets me be neurotic and still loves me. He supports me. And even if he drives me crazy sometimes, he is such an amazing man.

2. I have a great family. Yes, completely dysfunctional, but we love each other and aren't afraid to hug each other. Granted, I did have to remind my sister a few days ago about my birthday and I've yet to get a call from her. But she has three children so I'll let it slide.

3. On the topic of family, I didn't have a normal childhood (who does, really?) but that made me stronger and I'm a better person because of it.

4. I have great in-laws. There are many horror stories of in-laws that I don't have to worry about. Now, they are still in-laws so they are completely odd, but they would do anything for me.

5. I know and love Jesus. I couldn't always say this. (this maybe should have been #1) As you know if you have read my blog, I have done horrible things. But I am forgiven and its a wonderful feeling.

6. I have no debt. Holy freaking cow! Except, of course, mortgage and car. But that is a huge milestone for us.

7. I've had the opportunity to be out of work for three months and counting. I have loved it and it has made me reevaluate my life.

8. I have wonderful friends. I can count my close friends on one hand, and I like that. I mean the people that would come over in 2 minutes if I needed them. The people that would help me clean my house, let me burp and fart in front of them (!) and know some of the horrible things I have done. People that put up with me in down times and the people I want to share great things with. I'll post about them later.

9. I have awesome animals. They are cutie. I love them. They are always happy to see me, even after I yell at them. One is getting really old and I'm scared of her passing. Kinda makes me a little teary eyed.

10. I have no needs that aren't met. Isn't that amazing? Sure, I want things I don't have (kids, millions in the bank, 300 friends on facebook). But I have everything I need, everything God wants me to have right now. It has been hard to accept that, and I still struggle daily. But it has a peace about it.

This has been very therapeutic. I'm happy now. I need to do this every year. What is amazing in your life?

I'm smart, but I'm not that smart

I have a dilemma. Well, I have many, but only one I want to talk about today. I love to read and currently have three books that I am reading. Problem is, I don't really like any of them but I can't NOT read them, right? One is good, but dry. One is...heck, I don't remember. The other is so far over my head that I don't really think I can say I'm "reading" it. I'm looking at the words, knowing they form sentences, but not really understanding what those sentences mean. I'm thinking if I keep reading I'll eventually get it. I feel very dumb due to my dilemma. I don't like it.

Why yes, it does say "Sucker" on my forehead.

I realize my last few posts have been, well, depressing. I apologize and I promise to only do that once a month. :) So here is my much more upbeat post.

When my husband (who will hereafter be called Brad because thats his name) and I decided to spend the rest of our lives together, I knew there would be some things I would have to compromise on and I knew he would come with 'baggage'. Now, most people's baggage consists of some sort of skeleton in the closet...old flames, secrets, etc. Brad's baggage came in the form of a four-legged feline.

Calabash (the four-legged feline) was adopted from the Animal Shelter by Brad while we were dating. I should have known something wasn't quite right with her when we went to get her. I, like most idiots, stuck my finger in her cage to pet her. She proceeded to saunter over to me, under the guise that she would let me pet her. She didn't. She bit me. Hard. I should have known then. But I figured she was just tired of being in the cage. Like I said, idiot. I try to see the best in people, and animals. Either Brad didn't see this deliberate display of domination, or he was just too mesmerized by her beauty, but he adopted her anyway. She is a smart one, that cat. She uses her beauty, which she is quite beautiful, to lure you in. She is like a woman that way. Anyway, she comes to Brad's apartment which doesn't allow pets, by the way. She makes herself at home. She continues to bite me. A LOT.

She earned the name "Devil Cat" in college by all of his roommates and most people that came to visit. She would bite you if you walked by too many times. She would bite you when you would bend down to pet her. She would sleep on her bed, which you may think was actually yours, and bite you when you tried to go to sleep. This did not stop when we got married and moved in together. She had her perch on the kitchen counter and would bite you for no reason. I cannot count the number of times that I could not sleep because the cat was in our bed. I did not trust her. At all. I mean, it doesn't help that I would antagonize the crap out of her, but I only did it as payback.

Fast forward about 8 years. Calabash is now about 15 or 16 years old. We moved into a new house. We extended her life by about 5 years. I cry. Honestly, this cat my never die. She loves the new house. We even got a new dog. One that antagonizes her worse than I do. She doesn't falter. She hides for a week, but emerged with renewed strength and stronger teeth.

One day I realized it had been a good 5 months since she had broken my skin. I was impressed, I thought she was finally starting to warm up to me after 12 years of ownership. Then she bit me. She then promptly lost her place as the wallpaper on my phone. Now I know if Brad reads this he will claim that I love the cat. I do love her. I'm also scared of her. And I seem to remember a time that he screamed like a girl when she lunged at his neck. So hopefully he now won't say anything. :)

So why am I a sucker you may ask? Well amid the scars, emotional and physical, that this dear cat has left upon his wife, Brad is determined to get another cat. I have fought it for as long as he has wanted one. The other night we went into Petsmart to get dog food (why can't they just eat the cat?) and Brad fell in love with one of the cats for adoption. I almost caved. I may have caved, but their adoption hours were over. I like to think it was divine intervention. He thinks it was because we took too long at dinner. Regardless, we didn't come home with the cat. So I win, for now.

Facebook=help?

Is that even possible? I'm a facebook junkie. I don't do a whole lot on there, but spend way too much time. I just like to see what everyone else is doing, who isn't talking to me, who is friends with whom, who kept in touch, etc. Today I read something from a friend of mine that seemed as if it was written for me. It basically said "I'm trying to find my way, please help me". Of course the 'finding my way' struck me, but it was from a guy. I guess I think guys are much more certain, more deliberate, stronger. Its not often that they need help, and less often they ask for it (or so we think). I have been struggling A LOT lately with quite a few things. My poor husband is often my therapist/husband/crying shoulder/sounding board. He is too good to me. As much as I rely on him, even he can't fix this. I have to turn it over to the Lord. That is exactly what my facebook friend was doing. Why is this so hard for me? Why do I feel like this is my fight and won't allow anyone else in? People are willing to fight with me, why won't I let them?