You know how I know...

Let me preface this by saying I love my husband. But he is, well...kinda girlie. Not girlie as in "ohhh, lets watch a romantic comedy tonight" or "I need to go to the bathroom, want to go too?" (ladies, you know we have all done that). He is girlie in a stranger sense of the word. I ask him if I look ok, if I match...and I trust him when he says no. He is a much better cook than I am. He is a MUCH better dresser than I am. He loves to shop. L.O.V.E.S. to shop. Grocery store, Home Depot, TJMaxx, doesn't really matter. I hate to shop. So often times he will say something particularly girlie, like "you know, the Backstreet Boys weren't so bad". Kidding. He would never say that. But he will occasionally make comments that illicit that completely inappropriate comment from me..."you know how I know you're gay". It's horrible, I know. And I've tried to stop. But sometimes I can't help myself.

Well, in honor of my extremely masculine and hot husband, "you know how I know"...I'm old?

1. Sleeping in a king size bed doesn't really sound like a bad idea anymore.
2. I no longer make my plans for New Year's Eve in April, right after spring break. I'm lucky to make plans at all.
3. Things really do creak when I stand up.
4. It is difficult not to let out a slight 'grunt' (for lack of a better word) when I stand up.
5. It is sometimes difficult to hold in a fart.
6. I would rather bring my lunch than go out to eat.
7. I no longer get lots of Christmas presents.
8. Birthdays kinda suck.
9. The majority of my decisions are based on what time I can go to bed.
10. I wonder what the hell the radio stations are playing and who the heck listens to that crap.
11. 90's music is on the Oldies station.
12. The teenage stars of our youth are either in rehab, play someone's mom/dad on tv, or are a cashier at the local grocery store.
13. I worry about how much fiber I get (this could be the cause of #5).
14. I no longer get carded.
15. People call me...ma'am.
16. I OFTEN forget my age.
17. I own and have used a crock pot.
18. I can understand what my mother is talking about.

It's a sad day. If the first step is admitting a I have a problem and the first stage is denial, then I don't know what the heck you are talking about, I am not old and will go out every night for the next week to prove it. That is where the I see the problem.