21 weeks

Not too much has changed from last week.  I am feeling the baby kick a lot more now which is quite awesome.  For now.  Especially since it doesn't wake me up or hurt yet. 

Until this morning I had gone through my pregnancy not gaining much weight.  At my last appointment I had actually lost weight.  I don't weigh myself too often now but I did this morning just to see where I am.  Holy Canoli!  Overall I've gained about 8 lbs...but 4 of it has been in the last three weeks!  Not good.  I hope this doesn't mean I have to give up french fries. 

Week 20

Now that it isn't a secret, as if anyone could look at me and not know, I've got a few things to say about it. 

First, I've been extremely lucky with a simple pregnancy so far.  Little to no morning sickness, no huge pains, etc.  I do have problems sleeping, but if that is the worst of it I think I will make it.  However, the part that scares me about this is I think if you have an easy pregnancy, you will have a hard delivery.  How do I know this?  I just do.  It's like how I know I'm awesome.  Some things you just can't argue with.  Except my grammar.

At week 20 here is what I've come to expect.

• I can make crying on command into a sport.  Honestly, while eating breakfast I had to fight tears during the news about 5 times. I believe the topic was the weather.  And the Chief of Police candidate.
• given how much people have problems with constipation, and how much I don't want that, I'm thankful I don't have that problem yet.  I know, way too much TMI
• on that same note...they say the first feelings of the baby can feel like gas.  Hello...do you even know me?  If I have to rely on that feeling I'll never know what is baby and what is just my normal colon.  However, I am positive I've felt him/her.
• Not finding out the sex does make it hard to plan.  But it does irritate many relatives so we have an added bonus.
• You really do get used to random people touching you.  I really mean at the doctor's office because you have to see so  many different people. (ah, just felt the baby.  He/she likes this post)
• Random people do want to touch your belly.  for people who like to do this...most women do not like to be on the receiving end.  and many pregnant women are not especially happy in general.  Just consider it a fair warning. 
• Stress is a huge factor for me right now and a glass (or four) of wine would be a big help.  oh well.
• I'm halfway through and nowhere near ready.  We've talked about registering...but it's more like, Yeah, we should do that one day.  Kinda like that vacation to Ireland.
• Write down baby names anytime in life you think of a good one.  If you're like me, you'll forget.
• Pregnancy brain is a real condition.
• Night sweats suck.
• Apparently you snore more.  I really refuse to belive this one, but my therapist says I should listen to Brad more often.  I tried putting the pillow over his head so he wouldn't have to hear it. 

And there is my list for this week.  I'm sure it won't change much by next week, but you never know. 

Funky Town

I'm in a funk today.  And I'm not sure why.  I was irritated at my husband because he wouldn't respond to me when I was trying to wake him up.  (really??)  I'm irritated driving in to work because no one drives as well as I do.  Irritated at work.  No explanation necessary.  Irritated at lunch because, really, do these non-drivers just follow me around, watiting for me to get into my car?  I think so. 

Then I get back, sit at my desk and see where Lindsay Lohan had to go to jail.  Suddently I feel better.

17 Again

Yesterday was my birthday and I've been trying to think of what to write for a blog to commemorate.  Thirty-four things about me sounds hard and quite depressing, so we will skip that one for now.  Then I started thinking about movies, for no apparent reason, and said aloud (again, for no apparent reason) "I wonder what I would be missing if I was 17 again".  So let's just see where this takes us.


1.  I wouldn't have a mortgage.  Yeah, this is one of those good things.  Especially right now as we are getting ready to have two of them.  Don't ask.  I'll tell later.  But secretly I think Brad is trying to kill me.

2.  I wouldn't have met Brad yet.  This one I'm on the fence about.  KIDDING!  Well...  Brad and I have been through so much that I really can't remember my life before him.

3.  I wouldn't have experienced college yet and met some of the most amazing friends I could ever imagine.

4.  I wouldn't have been in debt yet (and gotten out).  Another good one. 

5.  I wouldn't have known my own life struggle.  I struggled with a lot of things in high school, but nothing that I couldn't sweep under the rug and pretend wasn't there. 

6.  I wouldn't have gotten close to my brother and sister.

7.  I would still be scared to cut certain people out of my life.

8.  I wouldn't know the true value of family and friends.

9.  I wouldn't know about facebook yet.  Or email, really.  I knew about it, but all my friends were in school with me, what in the world did I need email for?

10.  NO CELL PHONES

11.  I wouldn't have time to read for pleasure.

12.  I think friends you meet as adults are different and better in their own way.

13.  I wouldn't truly know the Lord.

14.  I really wouldn't know responsibility yet. 

15.  I would still get lots of birthday presents. 

I often wonder what I would do differently if I could do it all over again.  For one, I'd study more in college. But at the same time, that was it's own experience.  I lead a very blessed life, one that I really couldn't have imagined at the age of 17.  It makes me wonder what will be different when I'm 50!  I remember thinking 30 was so old when I was 17.  Now I just think anything older than me is old. 

Unanswered Prayers

I've been waiting for awhile to write this blog.  Three years to be exact.  As you know, I've prayed a long time about becoming a mother.  I've wanted it so badly it was almost blinding.  And for three years I had unanswered prayers.  I can see now there was a reason.  God really does know what he is doing.  It's hard for me to admit I am wrong...even in this case. 

Looking back, now I can see I wasn't ready.  Sure, I was 30, 31, 32.  How can I not be ready to be a mom?  There are reasons, and God knew those.  Part of it was that I was never really ready to relinquish control.  Surely if I just try this one thing, it will work.  Well, not always.

I was reading back over my blogs a few weeks ago and came across one I wrote in March of this year.  In it I wrote about submitting to God my feelings, my stress, my hurts, my restlessness.  The timing is interesting.  Because about 2 weeks later, I found out I was expecting.  :)

To any of you who I haven't told personally, I'm truly sorry!  But I just couldn't keep it in anymore!  Sorry for the bad quality of the picture, I couldn't get my scanner to work.