A letter

Dear Little Boy,
Every night I put you to sleep and marvel at how wonderful God is.  And then you usually wake up before I want you to and somehow I am still thankful.  But usually only after I make the trek to your room to get you.  Once I see you, I can't be upset.  It amazes me how much I can love someone.  You can't tell me you love me yet with words, but I know you do.

You perk up when you hear my voice.  You also do this for your daddy, but this letter is from me so we aren't going to talk about all the ways I know you love him.  I think you have a special smile just for me.  When I wake you up and whisper "Hi, stinker", you smile before your eyes are even open.  When I'm nursing you there is always a pair of feet touching me.  I have taken to removing your socks so that your skin can touch mine.  You like this a lot.  Often times you will rub your feet on my arms like it is a safety blanket.  I can tell it is comforting to you.  You want my attention on you while you are eating too.  If I look away from you; out the window or at the clock, you immediately stop nursing and look at my face, as if to get my attention back to you.  Don't worry, my attention is never gone long.  When I pick you up you have taken to resting your head on my shoulder, even if you aren't tired.  You also pull my hair.  A LOT.  I think this is so you can have my smell on your hands (or stray hair IN your hands), but I'm probably reaching a bit much on that one.

I know this time of your life passes all too quickly.  Its hard to believe that you are already 4 1/2 months old.  And I'm sad to know that I've already wasted too much time with frustration and sad feelings.  But I  know those days will happen. 

I write this for you, but just as much for me.  So I can remember these times later in life and know that I knew your love long before you could say the words.  You are the perfect addition to two lives that didn't know they needed you.

I love you,
Mommy