Is Closer Better?

It's getting closer.  I can tell.  And it really scares me.  I'm having lots of contractions (always hurt at night...thanks a ton).  Pressure in all the right (or wrong) places, babies head in position.  Now all I have to do is wait.  And anyone that knows me knows I don't do that well. 

I would of course be due around a major holiday, so the doula we've hired is going out of town.  We have a back up, but it isn't the same.  The back up won't pray with us, we don't have the same connection, etc.  So I hope to either go before she leaves, which would essentially be this weekend, or after she returns, which doesn't sound much better.

We've also decided to do a water birth.  Women's hospital will allow them now and my midwives are on board.  Let's hope baby is. 

My house is a wreck, my china cabinet still isn't unpacked and work is crazy.  Part of me knows none of that matters, but I hate that it is in the back of my head. 

And I'm scared to death about PPD.  Can I handle the stress of a newborn?  Can I be a good enough mom?  Will I ever measure up?  You know, just everyday questions...