I really don't even know what that title means.
I realized what I dislike about myself the most today. No, it isn't my nose. No, it isn't even those 15 (ahem, ok 30) pounds that like my hips and thighs. It isn't even my boobs (which have finally proven themselves necessary). It's that I can let people guilt me into anything. I've known this about myself for awhile, but I have just realized that I hate it.
It is possible that this comes from being in a family of the all-time best guilt-trippers. EVER. Well, between my given family and my married one, anyway. My sister in law likes to say that it is people's way of being southern. In other words, asking if we have something as a way of getting someone to get it for you. As in, "Honey, are you cold?" Code for get me a dang blanket before I put my cold feed on your butt. Or when you are driving past anywhere (usually Dairy Queen, hello Butterfinger Blizzard) and ask, "Honey, are you hungry?" Code for, I'm freaking hungry and if you don't say you are too then I will feel like a fat cow and you should probably just pull over and get us both something even if you just ate Christmas dinner if you don't want to deal with my sulk after you say you aren't hungry. Any my personal favorite, which was actually uttered by my husband, "Honey, do we have any water?". Well, sweetie, I'm sure that since we live in the age of running water we do. I think that was my actual response to him. I don't think I actually got him that water. Hey, I may be the easiest person in the world to guilt into something, but no one said I wasn't a smart aleck.
So back to the point. I'm having a really (REALLY) hard time dealing with the fact that I spend less time with my most wonderful child than the person taking care of him. The person is irrelevant. I would have a hard time regardless who it was. And now I feel bad that I feel that way. What is wrong with me??? Well, I feel bad that she knows and I feel bad that she feels bad. Seriously? It sounds stupid to even utter that sentence. So I looked up the definition on dictionary.com. Not because I didn't know what it meant but because I needed a blog post.
1. the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.
2. a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
3. conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs, etc.: to live a life of guilt.
So I've decided that I need to read this whenever I feel guilty to know that I haven't done anything wrong, committed no act to feel guilty about.
Maybe I should just print this out for easy access.