Plagiarism

Technically it's not plagiarism because I'm giving credit to the author, I just didn't do any of the work.  Most of you don't know I know someone famous.  It's kinda cool.  But he cries a lot when I beat him in cards.  Regardless, he has quite an awesome blog (http://www.tonywoodlief.com/) and has recently been published.  Check that out here.  I highly recommend both.  And don't believe him when he says that he beats me at cards. 

One of his recent posts really spoke to me.  I wish I could write as eloquenty as he.  I also wish that people read my blog.  But I'll settle for people reading his.  Hope you enjoy as much as I did.  Here is the link if you prefer. 

The found faith
July 14th, 2010 Posted in Faith and Life

Faith is this knowing in the center of you that will not leave. It has been to you a light that guides, light that illumines the worst of yourself, weight that steadies, weight that holds you where you do not want to be. Perhaps, when it first stirred inside your chest, you tried to build a home for it in your head. You read the books, learned the phrases, spouted your word-filled prayers. You learned how to speak of it to others. You studied clever ways to prove it to them. You resented them when they rejected your clever words. It became, for a time, your self-worth, your assurance that you inhabit a special place in the universe.

But your faith would not live in the house of your intellect, only your pride, and your self-love, and your anger, all of which you clothed in righteousness and labeled God. Then you stumbled, or the world destroyed some part of you, or took someone you loved, or maybe all of these things, and then the house you constructed for your faith held only the echoes of your catechisms, the hollow encouragements of your well-meaning, faith-minded friends, the obligatory notion that whatever doesn’t kill us makes us more holy.

Only it didn’t make you more holy. It left these holes in you, this world, and so perhaps you cast what passed for faith out of your mind, and set about the business of self-medication or self-destruction, which in the end come always to the same place. You shuttered the house built for faith in your mind, and perhaps you told everyone or perhaps you told no one, but you next tried to live a life without faith, ran from faith until you were empty, empty and broken down and not knowing any more what you had ever known or why you ever thought you knew it.

And then you find that faith will no more leave you than it will take wings at your bidding. You find that it will never live in your head, that it will never be fine thread to weave with words, that it will never adorn you as something crafted to make you more complete.

You find, instead, that it persists in the deepest parts of you, in the places where you most desperately need and fear it. You find that you have run all this way and never departed from it, because it has never departed from you, because it was never any more your choice than is the beating of your heart.

And so you come, at the end of your running and rending of flesh, to faith, which long ago came to you. It is weight and it is light and it is knowing. It is belief in the midst of unbelief, quiet truth uttered after lies. It is waiting, it is silent prayer. It is whispered thanks for the way your child sighs in his sleep, and for wind that soughs the trees. It is knowing you are unforgotten. It is what bears you homeward.

Should be illegal in all States

Since it's official that I'm going crazy, I figured it was ok to post something about being illegal since I can use the insanity defense and all. My life has been a complete whirlwind lately. And I really think it should be illegal to be pregnant and buying/selling homes at the same time. Do you realize how emotional and fragile we are? And we can't drink! Again...illegal.

So my poor husband has had to deal with all kinds of strange things lately. First of all, the heat. And I don't mean from outside. I am naturally a very cold natured person. I'm always cold. ALWAYS. However, lately there have been many nights that I will wake up, drenched from sweat. Yeah, I know it isn't a pretty picture. You'll be fine. Just think of poor Brad.

Second, did I mention I am emotional? It's not like I was an example of level-headedness before. So combine Elin Woods after she found out Tiger was cheating on her, that Single White Female Chick, and any girl in any movie that cries, and you have me. Times ten.

Third, I can't remember anything. For example, I thought of putting that little fact into the blog. Completely forgot until I forgot something else. Yesterday, left my keys in someone else's office. Few weeks ago, locked my keys in my office. My car keys. It was midnight, I had to have someone else take me home. The other day I said to Brad from the other room, "Hey, I was thinking..." Walked into the room he was in (because I hate when people talk to me from another room) and promptly said, "I don't remember what I was going to say". No wonder my sister can't remember my birthday.

So imagine my happiness when we got an offer on our house!!! Yeah, not so much. Imagine my stressed out, sweaty, crying self after we got an offer. What is seriously wrong with me? Oh, yeah, now I remember. Well, we finally came to an agreement and at the end of this month we will only have one housepayment.

Oh, did I mention that I only have 2.5 weeks to pack my house? I should probably go ahead and buy stock in Kleenex. That and Simply Lemonade. That stuff rocks.

Officially Official

Remember how I said I thought Brad was trying to kill me?  I think it's working.  Our house is officially on the market.  For the last 7 days.  I'm 6 months pregnant.  I have a stressful job.  I'm also the least patient person I know. 

So it's official.  I'm going crazy. 

Healing Old Wounds

A long time ago I signed up for the Proverbs31 daily devotional.  It has followed me through two jobs and a lay off.  I wish I could say I'm diligent about reading it, but many days it gets pushed to the back of the email list or ignored completely.  I might skim it and see if it pertains to a struggle for me or I might read it in detail and weep. 

Today was a weep day.  Here is the link if anyone would like to read and get signed up for it.  I highly recommend it.  I'm sure most of you know what the Proverbs 31 verse is about, but I have a memory of a story that make me want to be a better woman, a good mom, an all around better person.  Someone told me of a friend of hers that was very sick and in the hospital.  All her children stood up, one by one, and called her blessed.  I think there is no better compliment.  And I hope to be that kind of mother. 

The article today is talking about "Beauty Wounds".  Wounds that women have received over the years as a result of their appearance.  I'm no stranger to these wounds.  Most women have something that has stuck with them.  And unfortunately mine have always stuck with me.  The worst part is the person who is most to blame has not been a part of my life for some time and I still can't get past them.  They have left me scarred into thinking I am not beautiful. 

I may not be beautiful to that person, but I am to those that matter.  God thinks I'm beautiful, even through all my sins.  My husband thinks I'm beautiful, even through morning hair and morning breath and bad attitudes.  And these should be the only men I strive to please.  The love they give me is enough to sustain me, to build me up, to make me feel complete. 

So today I am going to vow to forget those hurtful words from so long ago and remember they don't matter and never will.  I'm going to focus on the love of my Savior and my husband.  And I'm going to focus on making sure my son or daughter know their beauty isn't on the outside.