Wednesday, September 11, 2013


I haven't been funny in awhile and that perplexes me. Last night as I was putting down little boy I was running through possible blog topics in my head. I know, I should have been singing him to sleep, but he often says, "Stop, momma" when I start singing.

Did I ever tell you that Brad used to play the Bass guitar for our Church? The practices were held at our house but he had to miss one week. I tried singing him the song to tell him what they were going to be playing. He said, and I quote, "Don't ever do that again." As in don't ever sing any song again lest my ears bleed and cause me to die a horrible, painful death.

But I'm not bitter. I still sing in the car. Often. Especially when he is with me.

I saw a blog the other day about motherhood and what it has taught us. Most of it was true. But each child is different and so here is what my child has taught me.

1. When planning a bedtime - don't. You have a general idea of what time you'd like to get them into bed. You also have a general idea of what you'll do with lottery winnings. One is to hire a nanny that can get my child into bed without it taking 45 minutes. Honestly, it took 45 minutes from dressing of pajamas to "go to sleep, mommy is leaving the room" and it working.

2. Boys are boys. Bodily functions are awesome. The ability to pee across the room is the best. trick. ever.

3. Waking my child up is a bad idea. He is a morning person through and through. Every morning I am greeted with a, "HI MOMMA!". At 6:00ish. But the one day I have to wake HIM up you would think I took away his paci, his blanket, all his stuffed animals and ran over them with the car right in front of him.

4. Speaking of paci - the day you take it away is the day he will actually learn how to say the word. Incessantly.

5. Large groups of people are the perfect place to announce that you "PEE PEE!!!!", or "POO POO!!!!" on the potty.

6. The first time you hear "Why, momma" it is the sweetest, most amazing thing in world. It is also the only time.

7. Your child will pick up bad habits. It may be from daycare. It may be from preschool. It may be from Nana. Most certainly from Daddy. Mommy, of course, is perfect. But one day you will be watching TV and he will pass gas and will look at you and say, "nice...". Yes. This will happen to you.

8. They will go through a phase. Mine has gone through a hitting phase, a food throwing phase, and is now is a "no" phase. Remember that you have more education that your lovely 2 year old and you will eventually win.

9. Bribery is an art. Eventually the small stuff stops working. You have to be inventive. I started with, "if you eat your beans you can have fruit." Most of the time this still works. But sometimes you have to pull out the big guns. "If you let mommy brush your teeth you can play with the faucet". Hey, he likes it, it works, I'm using it.

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