If I'm Being Honest...

I think I've hidden this secret long enough. I am a hugger. I really like hugs. I've tried to fight it. I've said I wasn't a hug person. But I lied. I think there is something great about someone being so special to you that you want to hug them.

I have friends who don't like to hug, and that is fine. But if you're like me, and didn't want to hug someone in fear of what they though of you, stop caring. You do you. Be you!

I have a son who is a hugger and I originally felt like I needed to reign him in. Then I realized...if you are going to love someone, love them with all you got, however you want. Be a hugger. Don't be a hugger. They are both ok.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I'm big on respect. Giving it, receiving it. I get irritated when people don't respond to a text where a question was asked. I abhor instances when drivers don't let pedestrians cross in front of them in parking lots. Even more upset when pedestrians don't give the "thanks" wave. And don't get me started on people who stand in the middle of the isle or stop right in front of you. But I digress.

So I'm really struggling with the hate and disrespect towards the President right now. Hear me out. I know he is not saying or doing things right. I know what everyone thinks of him and how he is performing. I am not a fan. But let's imagine, just for a minute, that we were in his shoes. Every single thought, comment, movement is scrutinized by the media and the public. And this happens to every President. This is not a discussion for comparisons, only my thoughts on how Presidents are treated. Can you imagine if every tweet (which, let's be honest, should be removed from the Oval Office) every handshake, every interaction with your spouse was put on display? How would you look? I wouldn't look so great. I would look like the sinner I am.

Should everyone agree with the President's agenda and Philosophy? No. Should people be able to voice their opinions to the contrary? Absolutely. But there is a way to do it. And refusing to meet with the man is probably not the best way to get your agenda heard or recognized. I see and hear about so many people who refuse to meet with him or anyone on his team. When have we ever had a compromise or a resolution when there wasn't a discussion?? How can two sides ever agree, or agree to disagree, if they don't hear both sides?

I think we are basically all acting like kids. And I really don't want to hear how "I will show respect when he does". Really? Be the bigger person. Be the example. Be the person you say you are. Show the world that, even though others aren't willing to work together, you are. Don't return hate with hate. Don't immediately assume someone doesn't understand or care. Honestly, just don't hate. It's wrong and stupid and lame. It's killing us. Literally and figuratively.

All the Feels

I read a book, Captivating, by John and Staci Eldridge. One of the things I remember is that the world is lucky women are so emotional. We are often taught to think or believe or act that having a lot of emotions are a bad thing. But if we aren't emotional, who will teach our kids to love and be sad and be angry and be happy? And all those things. Who will teach our children that it is absolutely ok to have those feelings, to have the attachment, to care about something enough to BE emotional? I often joke that men are dead inside. But I really don't think that is the truth. I think they are taught that men are not supposed to be emotional. One of the pastors at my church cries every time he delivers a sermon. Some might find this weak. I find it amazing and uplifting. I love to hear him speak. Because I know he firmly and truly feels what he is saying to us.

So why do we, as women, try to hide our emotions? Is it because we are scared of looking weak? How many times have you told a friend or your kids or anyone that it is ok to cry? That it is ok to be angry. To be hurt. To be excited. To be not okay. Or to be better than okay. How many times do you say, I'm fine, when someone asks if you are ok? Friends, I'm not okay. I'm emotional, and it isn't even time for PMS. So I have no idea what is wrong with me. I'm just in a funk. One that has lasted longer than normal. And that is okay. I will be fine, but if I'm honest, I'm not right now. I want to be alone and have a good book and good food. For a few days. I can't do that right now because life happens. So right now I'll settle for going to get a pedicure at lunch, with a good book, and hope that helps. If it doesn't, I'll try something else. I guess the point is that sometimes it isn't easily fixed. So we have to keep trying until we are good. And we have to tell people we aren't ok. Tell your mom. Tell your spouse. Tell your friends. You might be surprised how willing they are to help or give you that weekend away or that night alone. You never know.

A New Road

My wonderful son is now 5 years old. He is both my greatest accomplishment and sometimes a pain in the ass. He comes by it honestly. I never really feel like I get this parenting thing right. I yell too much, I scroll Facebook too often, I give in more than I should. But I love. So much.

I never thought I would only have one child. It was never in the plan. We are meant to multiply, right? You know how when you get married everyone asks when you're going to have kids? Well, even with kids, they still ask. When are you going to have more? Don't you want more kids? You better start working on it! People, just worry about you. I finally had to tell a very well meaning person that sometimes it just isn't that easy.

About three months ago I started having extremely painful periods. I've always had horrible periods and been plagued with endometriosis. But this was different. This was worse than labor. I went to the Emergency Room in the middle of the night (I don't recommend that to anyone). I throw up because the pain is so intense. I am sore for days because my body gets so tense from trying to stay still and not move, and just somehow, make it through. I have taken more ibuprofen than anyone probably should. I finally got a prescription for something more and it didn't touch the pain.

The last non-surgical option is to get an IUD inserted. This seems like a no-brainer, right? It isn't. Doing this means I give up any chance of having another child. Of bringing a perfect child into my already amazing family. To have another product of the love I have for my husband. Well, that happened today. I am so broken by it. But I couldn't bear another month of that pain. It scares my husband, it upsets my son to see me in so much pain, and it scares me too.

I have often struggled with trusting God's plan. It is sometimes difficult to see where the road is going and know I should just follow. This is one of those times. I know I needed to do this for my family though.

The other night my son told me that he chose me for his mommy and that I was his favorite and better than the other moms. While I'm sure there will be many times he no longer thinks this, I can't help but think that was God's way of telling me that I'm exactly where I need to be. And if he is my only child, he is enough. I have been blessed beyond measure and it often only takes a few words to be reminded.

If you're struggling today I pray you know you are loved. You are special. You are exactly where you're meant to be. Whatever you're struggling with - you're not alone. I recently read something that stuck with me. "last time I checked, I survived even my worst day." Sometimes it feel like all we can do is survive. And that is ok. We aren't perfect, but we are trying to just do the best we can for that day and time. And that is enough. You are enough for someone. I am enough for my family. I am exactly where I need to be.

To be right

Have you ever wanted to do something, only so you could prove someone wrong? So that's where I am right now. In more than one arena of life.

My best friend and I have talked about starting a book club for years. We've talked about books and the wine we will have and how meeting around the week of July 4th is a bad idea and then my birthday is coming so maybe we should look at August and then, WTF, Christmas is a horrible time to start a book club so lets look at the beginning of the year. Yeah, for a few years now.

Finally her husband got brave and said, "You guys have been planning this for years, you'll never actually do it" which was apparently all we needed. We have both said, "the timing isn't great, but he can't win". I honestly don't think he cares at all.

The other day my husband and I were talking about going running. I need someone to run with - cause my lazy butt won't do it on my own. So he said, "well, we can run together for awhile then we can split apart". I said, ummmm, excuse me? What do you mean? Keep in mind he hasn't run in years. But he is one of those annoying people that can run for a mile after drinking a 12 pack of beer.

He quickly realized he had said the wrong thing because he meant that we won't run at the same pace and he wasn't waiting for my slow butt. Ok. that's fine. I'll show him. I'm going to start running and never even ask him to go.

Except that running sucks and he is probably right. Dang it. You go run, honey. I'll be here keeping your kid alive and stuff. I still win!

The first time

I know how horrible this is going to sound so I apologize in advance, but anyone who has ever struggled with their weight, felt like the biggest person at the party, or wondered about the size of people going somewhere will understand.

I was just in a meeting with 4 other women and I was the smallest one. I honestly don't think that has ever happened before.

How many does it take?

I got a job offer last week (same company, different job) and there were 5 people listed that I would report to.

Where do I sign?

Learnings

I haven't been funny in awhile and that perplexes me. Last night as I was putting down little boy I was running through possible blog topics in my head. I know, I should have been singing him to sleep, but he often says, "Stop, momma" when I start singing.

Did I ever tell you that Brad used to play the Bass guitar for our Church? The practices were held at our house but he had to miss one week. I tried singing him the song to tell him what they were going to be playing. He said, and I quote, "Don't ever do that again." As in don't ever sing any song again lest my ears bleed and cause me to die a horrible, painful death.

But I'm not bitter. I still sing in the car. Often. Especially when he is with me.

I saw a blog the other day about motherhood and what it has taught us. Most of it was true. But each child is different and so here is what my child has taught me.

1. When planning a bedtime - don't. You have a general idea of what time you'd like to get them into bed. You also have a general idea of what you'll do with lottery winnings. One is to hire a nanny that can get my child into bed without it taking 45 minutes. Honestly, it took 45 minutes from dressing of pajamas to "go to sleep, mommy is leaving the room" and it working.

2. Boys are boys. Bodily functions are awesome. The ability to pee across the room is the best. trick. ever.

3. Waking my child up is a bad idea. He is a morning person through and through. Every morning I am greeted with a, "HI MOMMA!". At 6:00ish. But the one day I have to wake HIM up you would think I took away his paci, his blanket, all his stuffed animals and ran over them with the car right in front of him.

4. Speaking of paci - the day you take it away is the day he will actually learn how to say the word. Incessantly.

5. Large groups of people are the perfect place to announce that you "PEE PEE!!!!", or "POO POO!!!!" on the potty.

6. The first time you hear "Why, momma" it is the sweetest, most amazing thing in world. It is also the only time.

7. Your child will pick up bad habits. It may be from daycare. It may be from preschool. It may be from Nana. Most certainly from Daddy. Mommy, of course, is perfect. But one day you will be watching TV and he will pass gas and will look at you and say, "nice...". Yes. This will happen to you.

8. They will go through a phase. Mine has gone through a hitting phase, a food throwing phase, and is now is a "no" phase. Remember that you have more education that your lovely 2 year old and you will eventually win.

9. Bribery is an art. Eventually the small stuff stops working. You have to be inventive. I started with, "if you eat your beans you can have fruit." Most of the time this still works. But sometimes you have to pull out the big guns. "If you let mommy brush your teeth you can play with the faucet". Hey, he likes it, it works, I'm using it.

Damn, I hate when he is funny

Last night on the way to dinner my husband was talking about something he is building. Unfortunately my first response was, "So how much is this costing me?" Unfortunate because I shouldn't immediately go to that, and unfortunate because of his answer. He was very gracious and said he would spread the time out so it wasn't all at one time. Of course, he is still spending the money. Money is my thing. It's my idol. I don't worship it, but I rely on it too much. If you had been in situations where you didn't really know how you were going to pay for things you would be the same. I never assume money will always be there. So I'm still upset about the money, thinking what I could do with that much money, and overall plotting revenge. Then he says, "Well, if you don't want to survive the Zombie apocolypse then that is your choice." Fine, you win.

He Speaks!

Aaron is two.  He can show you on his fingers and everything.  He can pee on the potty (although usually doesn't) and pull up his own pants.  He can run and eat with only spilling 75% of it.  I've said it before, but he is just freaking awesome. 

The one thing he doesn't do is talk.  Now, he never stops making noises...they just aren't words.  He will say a few things; momma, dada, nana, thank you, i love you (melts my heart everytime), but really has no desire to talk.  I didn't talk until I was almost 3 and I'm super smart.  :)  While it may scare other moms, it really doesn't bother me much.  He understands exactly what we are telling him/asking him to do.  Plus my pediatrician said not to worry. 

So imagine my surprise when he decided to mimick someone in Target this weekend.  Aaron and I were picking out Valentine cards when a mom came around the corner.  She was clearly flustered with her children (don't judge, we've all been there).  She gave them a curt and purposeful, "Now!".  This was shortly followed by Aaron's unmistakable immitation.  Yes, she was close enough to hear him.  Yes, she turned to see who the jerk was.  Yes, I'm positive I turned crimson red.  And I'm not an Alabama fan.  I said, "I am so sorry" but she was a little too far away to hear my meek reply.  Mortified doesn't even begin to describe it.  But I couldn't help but laugh at my child who doesn't speak!

She walked off and I was positive the daggers she shot at me and Aaron had just narrowly missed.  Well, a few minutes later and no closer to finding a card she came back.  I had no where to run.  I saw her coming and immediately said again, "I'm really sorry".  She took me by surprise.  She actually responded, "Actually, hearing him helped my stress level return to normal."  I told her that he doesn't really even talk.  She said, well, I guess he needed to say it and I needed to hear it. 

I hope that one day when I am angry with Aaron (or Brad) in the store and a small child mimicks me that I am as gracious as this woman was.  A bigger hope would be to keep my attitude in check.  But I'll settle for the former...

Maddie Girl

We had to put our dog down a few weeks ago.  As anyone with a pet can imagine, it isn't always an easy decision to make.  My mother reminded me that we had been wondering if it was time for well over 6 months.  It still wasn't easy to do, but the time had come when it was best for her.  But I miss her.

We've had Maddie since she was a puppy and we basically were the same, pups.  Brad and I were in college went she came to live with him.  She was such a regal dog.  Most of my friends were scared of her and most of his helped to take care of her.  Maddie would have been 16 in April.  I've never known life as an adult without her.  I haven't known married life without her. 

As we were leaving the vet's office that day he asked, "what is the funniest/stupidest thing she ever did?".  I couldn't think of one stupid thing she had ever done.  Funny, though, I had a few. 

Maddie could fall asleep standing up, and liked to exercise this skill often.
Maddie liked to curl into the smallest possible space to sleep.  And with Doberman legs this wasn't always easy.
She slept on her own bed (after we broke her of having to sleep with us) and she would carry her bed all over the house.  In fact one night I thought someone had broken in the house and was noisily walking down the hall, only to discover it was Maddie moving her bed from the family room. 
She used to want to sit between me and Brad on the couch (again, before we broke her of that habit). 
She once pinched my butt between her front teeth because I was hugging Brad (clearly she was his dog).
Maddie knew the exact way to burrow her nose under the covers to wake you up the quickest. 
She was a master ventriloquist.  She could make tons of noises and her mouth never opened. 

Maddie was fiercely protective too.  I once saw her make an ex-Marine scream like a kid.  To Maddie's credit he walked in our house without knocking. 
But she loved other dogs.  Taking her for walks was tough because she knew they were out there for her to play with. 

Maddie was our baby when we thought we couldn't have any.  And she carried us through.  And for that I will forever be grateful.

Goodbye, Maddie girl.  Say hi to kitty for me. 

A time for all things

One thing I wasn't prepared for in becoming a parent is the internalization of fear and pain.  I never thought hearing or reading of another child's death or suffering would cause me to weep as uncontrollably as I do.  I have always had a hard time with children who suffer, but since I had little boy I literally cannot read the article, or watch the news story.  No one warned me.  No one prepared me.  No one told me that I would worry every day that I may not see him grow up. 

I wonder if every parent has that worry.  In these uncertain times I wonder how we can't. 

Given what happened last week, how can we not?

Today is little boy's birthday.  It's a time for celebration and letting him eat more sugar than ever before.  It's a time for me to take the day off work just to spend time with him. 

I know all parents hugged their children tightly upon hearing the news Friday.  My husband and I often say, "if nothing else, he will know he is loved." 

In this time of uncertainty - isn't that the greatest gift we have to give? 

Little boy, even when things don't go according to plan, I will love you.  I will mess up many things. I will do many things wrong. But I pray you will always know how much you are loved. 

It's all wrong!

Imagine my surprise when I got home last night and not only had the kid been bathed, twice, but they actually had fun while I was gone. 

I don't like the sound of that.

Freaking out. Just a little

I will say that I'm typically laid back.  My BFF will laugh and my husband will guffaw.  So they can get their own blog if they want to say anything.  Maybe I'm laid back relative to the other crazies in my family.  Regardless, I'm laid back.  About some things. 

I'm not laid back when it comes to my kid.  He's just too awesome to mess up.  That and I thought I'd never have him so I'm kind of, well, not laid back.  Not exactly psycho.  Not exactly not-psycho.  You know, I'm perfect.

I'm going out of town tomorrow night with almost every other caretaker of my child.  Except my husband.  I realize that next to me, he is the best caretaker there is.  However, he is a man.  And if I'm being honest, I worry about the diaper getting changed and him being fed.  My husband is a great father.  Let's just say he isn't the most pereceptive of people.  That smell emanating from your child - yes, it should be changed and it was there well before I got home.  That constant pacing of the dog - yes, it typically means they want to go outside.  That odd sound coming from your bedside table - yes, your alarm is going off.  Wait, that is both of us.  That odd, annoying sound you hear - yes, I'm talking to you, you can answer now.

So imagine my worry when for 4 days all they will have is each other.  I fully expect to come home to a slightly stressed husband and a dirty child.  (They are called baths, dude)

But it will still be a wonderful homecoming.

On Thankfulness, Pity, and Misery

I have a hard time at this time of year being thankful.  In some ways I feel like being thankful for stuff (and proclaiming it to Facebook or Twitter) makes me a little like that person that only asks for prayer when they need something.  To which I am guilty.  I am guilty of most things.  But mostly I'm guilty of not being thankful. 

It's not that I don't have a lot to be thankful for.  I do.  Everyone does if they think about it hard enough.  We all have struggles.  We all have a childhood to overcome.  And maybe that gets to the root of my issue.  I've often told people that I'm not a good HR person because I have no pity.  That is true to some degree, but it isn't the whole picture. 

I have no pity for people who allow their prior circumstances to hold them back in the present day.  I have empathy when possible.  And I have sympathy when allowed.  But I have no pity.  People don't need pity.  Sometimes they need a smile.  Or a Thank you.  An I love you.  A "Good Job".  Sometimes a swift kick in the butt.  But not pity.  Pity allows you to wallow.  Pity allows you to stay in that place.  That place that is holding you back.  Pity doesn't give the strength to soldier on - it gives you the validation to, well, be pitiful. 

So this season I'm thankful that in many areas I was able to soldier on.  I'm thankful that no one took pity on me because we know misery loves company.  Sometimes misery is necessary.  Sometimes misery is healing.  But misery and pity should not be destinations.  I'm thankful I didn't choose that.  And I'm thankful for every person in my life that helped me realize that truth.

Doctor visit

I went to the doctor today.  Much like the rest of the US my insurance is changing next year and I've met my out of pocket this year so I'm going to take full advantage of that and rack up even more medical costs.  Yes, I'm in HR and I know how horrible that sounds. 

Truthfully, I just went in for a routine physical.  Three needle sticks, one pee test, and one EKG later I emerged. 

The appointment was really going ok.  I had to get on the scale, which of course lied.  The nurse took my blood pressure and temp and all that.  All good.  My EKG (which was a first), was ok.  Or so they tell me.  I got my TB test, a Tetanus shot, a referral for a mammogram (so.  excited.)  and a referral to a good dermatologist because apparently these huge freckles on my face may not be so good afterall. 

The doctor was great as usual.  I like her.  I saw her for the numbness in my hands and she was great then too.  And then she told me I need to lose 20 lbs.  Bitch.

Happy, Not Pensive

I DO EXIST!  I was going to write a really long and sad penisve post today, but I don't want to.  I want to be happy.  And what makes me happy?  Besides Beam and Coke and sleeeping until 7 AM?  My little boy! 

He will be 2 next month which is completely mind blowing.  But he really is the cutest thing ever.  One post awhile back I put the ways I know he is my kid.  I'm going to do that again.  Some may be repeats though. 

1.  He is a little clumsy.  He was walking down the hall yesterday and ran into the door frame.  You know, that part that sticks out about 1 inch into the hallway.  Only one of my children could pull off that feat.

2.  He loves to be outside.  If he hears the doors open he comes running.

3.  He is double jointed in his thumbs.  So odd.  And he moves them the same way I do and everything.

4.  He wakes up early.  Now, let me say that early is relative.  Pre-children early was 7:30 or 8.  Now I would give almsot anything to sleep until that time.

5.  The whole curly hair thing.

6.  Those crazy blue eyes.  And those eyelashes!  Ladies - guard your hearts (and your daughters). 

7.  He loves to read.  Or be read to. 

8.  He could care less what he is wearing.  Seriously, I can dress him in anything. 

9.  He likes to surprise people.  From around a corner, with hand sanitzer, whatever. 

10.  He loves to laugh.  A loud, boisterous, can't be mistaken for anything except happiness laugh.  I'm not sure that one is me, but I love it.

11.  Oh, and he is independent as crap.  Drives me insane sometimes. 

12.  He. Has. No. Patience. 


So he wakes up every morning in one of three ways:
1.  Uh oh.  UH OH.  UHHHH OHHHHH.  UHHHHHHHH  OHHHHHHHH.  Over and over and over again.  Louder and louder. 
2.  Wow.  WOW.  WOOOOOWWW.  WWWWWOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW.  Over and over and over again.  Louder and louder.
3.  Mama.  MAMA.  MMMMMAAAAAMMMMMAAA.  That is so cute he can say it however he wants. 

And here he is.  In the dog crate.  I just want to add his grandmother allowed this to happen...

Well, hi there

How are you?  I can't believe it is June already.  I'd like to say that I've had this amazing life changing 6 months and that is why I haven't written, but just life happened.

I took a new role on at my job which proved to be much busier than I thought.  Then I started to get numbness in my hands, which subsequently spread to my arms and back.  It was really odd.  It affected my coordination.  I couldn't run - I even fell in the hall when I was chasing little boy one day.  I couldn't hold him very long because my strength was gone.  So I relented and went to the doctor.  Well, a few doctors.  First specialist told me I needed surgery.  Um, no thank you.  I tried acupuncture.  (which I highly recommend).  I tried ignorning it.  Surely it will get better....  Then went to a Neurosurgeon.  There was that surgery word again.  This time I listened.  Mosly because he was recommended by other doctors I hold in high regard and was very conservative.  He also told me that some of his colleagues would send me straight to the hospital for surgery. 

Fine, I'll have the surgery.  Oh, you mean you want me to have it Monday?  But I'm supposed to be on vacation...  Dang it. 

Honestly, one of the reasons I didn't want to surgery is because I'm a huge baby and I knew I'd be in pain.  But bigger than that was that I'd have to stop breastfeeding and I couldn't pick up little boy for three months.  THREE MONTHS! 

So I found out on Friday I was having surgery and would have to stop breastfeeding Monday.  Add that to not holding my little boy and lets just say I've been a bit of a basket case.  And I know its hard on him.  I know there are people trying to figure out how old little boy is (18 months tomorrow) and thinking how odd I am for still breastfeeding.  Hey, these things had to serve a purpose eventually.  And I was going to stop after vacation, just wanted to do it on my terms.  You know, like everything else in life. 

So the surgery was two weeks ago.  I can't drive.  I can't go back to work yet.  I can't take care of little boy.  Um, how am I not depressed?  Oh, I kinda am. 

But on the upside I have a really cute kid. 

Isn't it Ironic

I think timing is everything.  You learn exactly what time you have to leave the house in the morning to miss traffic, yet get there somewhat on time.  You learn exactly what time you can leave your house and make it Donut World before closing, or to be the first in line.  You're also given little pleasures in life just when you need them.  That phone call from a friend, a letter in the mail, donuts for breakfast.

I also think everything happens for a reason.  I used to think I was the least selfish person I knew because, well, I thought I was that perfect.  Then you have a kid and learn what selfishlessness (is that even a word) means.  I am actually not proud of that one (because I judged everyone who I thought was selfish as being so freakin inferior to me, Ms. Perfectness).  I also though I was a pretty laid back person.  Ex-boyfriends, my husband, and pretty much anyone who knows me is laughing right now and running away so lightening doesn't strike. 

Lately I've been reflecting on the past year of being a mom and wanted to get part of my life back.  I've been reading books like nobody's business.  I used to read all the time, then I was just too tired.  It's odd how I've missed something like that.  I'm trying to get out of the house more.  I'm ok if I'm not there to put little boy to sleep.  OK, that is a stretch, but I no longer freak out about it.

Then it hit me.  Like a 2x4.  Oh my goodness, listen to me, I'm planning all this stuff without my kid.  It's like I can't wait for him to go to bed every night so I can have some "me" time.  I'm so selfish.  What kind of parent does that make me?  The answer:  a good one.

No, I don't condone going out every night in lieu of spending time with your child.  But, I also think you need your "you" time, whatever that is so you can be sane.  And sanity don't hurt when it comes to parenting.  Or so I've heard.

There is something in the water at work because we have an extreme influx of new babies.  Since I have been a mom for a whole year I am clearly an expert and am not afraid to tell them exactly how it is.  Since I know everything and all.  I was talking to one of the guys who will soon be a daddy yesterday.  I told him how I was completely ok with giving up my social life for the first year of little boy's life.  But now, I need to be normal again.  And as a parent, you think that is horrible parenting.  When in reality, it's just the way it is.  And there is honestly nothing wrong with looking forward to bedtime.

About 10 minutes after that conversation, I saw this post.  And it pretty much sums it up.  It also validates me, which is awesome.

Here is is in case the link doesn't work.
http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/to-the-mother-with-only-one-child/

Another First

Dear Little Boy,

You are 13 months old today.  Sometimes I look at you and think how small you are.  Other times I'm astounded by how big you are!  You are constantly on the go!  You started walking pretty much the day after your first birthday.  Now nothing is safe.  :)  You are such a joy.  Even at 2:00 AM last night.

You had your first-ever fever last night.  First that I know of, anyway.  I knew something was wrong when you didn't want to eat.  It's one of your favorite things to do!  And then you just wanted to be held.  Sign #2. 

I had to be at work early today so I came home before you woke up so I could be there with you.  You're all better now, probably a little hungry.  You are just teething so it's nothing to worry about.  But I couldn't help but feel like you were my little teeny baby again.  Just in a toddler body.  So I just wanted to say, Thank you for making me a mommy.

I love you,
Mom