Unspoken

I  hesitate to post anything somber, since it has been so long since I've taken the time to post anything of note.  But I'm struck today by silence.  Many times we have the overwhelming desire to fill our days with everything, anything, to make it through.  Personally, my days are full of stuff that I'd rather not be doing.  I'd rather sit in silence with my family and marvel that we made it through.  Silence is a hot commodity in the house of an infant, though.  And even before him, silence was often considered "uncompatible".  If we didn't talk then we had nothing to talk about; therefore we were uncompatible. 

As a people, however, we have a tendency to speak when no words need to be spoken.  When we are brave enough to share our emotions, we want empathy, not fixes.  When we are brave enough to speak our fears, we want support, not stories of how others relate.  When we are brave enough to speak of sin, we want forgiveness, not judgement.  I think when it really comes down to it, we know how to fix things, we know our fears are often not going to materialize, we know as Christians we are forgiven.  We want support.  We want love.  We want a friend, a spouse, a confidant, a sense of peace.  And none of those can be found in words.  We know all the sayings, "God won't give you more than you can handle."  "Everything in it's time"  "Everything has a reason", etc, etc. 

What we often don't know, but we wish we did, is that we are loved enough, important enough, and good enough.  I am good enough for your silence.  This tells me you empathize, you love me, you care enough to give me my time to speak.  If we listen enough, everyone has something they need to say.

Ummm, hi

I really should update my blog.  Not that anything of real consequence has happened, but because it seems like the nice thing to do.  I have little snippets of things I would say on facebook or twitter, except I don't.

Thought Sunday and Monday (and probably will today):
Sometimes I'm actually impressed with my mommy abilities.  Today is not one of those days. 

Thought this morning:
Oh, crap.  It's almost October.  Didn't I say I was going to do the 31 Days thing?  Oh, crap.

Thought everyday:
I wish I didn't have to work.  Except that I use work as an excuse for not being good at everything with my kid.  If I didn't work I wouldn't have that excuse.  Nor would I have all my bills paid.  Still, it's tempting.

Awesomeness

Dear Little Boy,

It stands to reason, given my complete and utter awesomeness, that some of that would rub off on you.  Well, my friend, it did.  You are more awesome than I could ever imagine.  God sure knew what he was doing when he gave me you.  Your daddy and I are constantly in awe of how smart, cute, inquisitive, attentive, etc, etc, etc you are.  A friend and I were having coffee one morning and an older couple actually came up to us and commented on how responsive you were.  That was a first.  I never really thought of being responsive as a compliment, unless you are an EMT or a Customer Service professional.

You had your first solid food this weekend.  I know, I know, we could have started months ago, but we decided to wait.  And wait.  And wait.  I'm happy to report that you loved it.  We have it on video so I have proof. 

You started waving recently too.  So. Stinking. Cute.  I didn't think we waved all that much so I'm a little surprised you started doing that one. 

You learned how to propel yourself forward while on your tummy too.  Normally the propel comes from your foot in some very uncomfortable position against one of my body parts.  Glad I could be there for you.  You still prefer to go backwards, though.  Does it make us bad parents that we bribe you with the phone and remote?  I have a feeling that is foreshadowing. 

I wonder what age you figure out that naps are pretty awesome?  It obviously comes later.  You would rather play with the elephant mobile in your crib.  It's pretty awesome too so I can't blame you much.  I'm actually just happy that you are content in your crib for so long.  Every day we say how good a boy you are. 

You get happy whenever your daddy or I walk into a room.  I must confess that I often leave the room just so I can come back in. 

You are such a joy, little boy.  Such a blessing!  I'm excited to see you grow into a young man...just not yet.

I love you,
Mommy

31 Days

If you've never visited Chatting at the Sky, you are missing out.  Not only is her blog visually beautiful, so is her writing, her message, and her heart.  This October she is doing the "31 Days" again.  This year her topic is "31 Days to Change the World". 

She also urges us to do our own 31 Days.  I really think I'd like to do it this year.  I just need to figure out what to call it.  What would you like to see?

Actually, I just thought of what I think I can call it.  31 Days to Making Others Feel Loved.  I'll include 31 ways to making others feel special, loved, thought of...whatever you want to call it. 

What do you think???

All about me

Isn't that what blogs are for anyway?  For us to talk about what we want, what we like?  It's also what I use counseling for.  But I won't talk about that stuff on here.

As I'm sitting at work thinking of how much I don't want to be here today, I started thinking about things I love.  Not people, that is too obvious.  But things.  I know that things shouldn't bring me happiness, but sometimes they warm the soul.  And even on hot summer days in the South, a little soul warming never hurt nobody. 

I love Coca Cola.  And Cherry Coke is pretty awesome too.  I know they aren't good for me.  I don't care. 

I love a good book.  Reading is one of my favorite things to do.  And I admit I'm not as fond of the Kindle.  I'm trying, though.

I love rain.  I love the smell of it, I love the sound of it, I love the feel of it.  I have vivid memories of playing in the rain when I was young.

I love autumn.  The crispness in the air is like a foreshadowing of things to come.  Of warm apple cider and beautiful colors.

I love a freshly made bed.  Pulling back the covers when going to bed is like unwrapping a presesnt.  Even though you know what the present is you know you are going to love it.

I love getting small tokens from people.  For me, it's a sign that they thought of me, that I was important to them.  I know it is greedy, but it makes me feel loved in return.

I love the beach after 5:00 pm.  When the blistering heat and crowds are gone and you can enjoy the breeze and your thoughts alone. 

I loved listening to my grandfather tell stories.  I love for all men of that generation to tell stories of their lives.

I love watching baseball games in person.  It makes me feel like a kid.

I love to hear the national anthem.  I cry and get chills every time. 

I love to get letters/cards in the mail.  I don't do this enough for my friends and I vow to be better. 

Lastly, I love to watch people love each other.  Random people, people I know, it doesn't matter.  I love to watch people be sweet to others.  It gives me hope.

Driver Education

Last week was apparently slow-ass driver week.  Next time I wonder if they could couple this with hang-out-in-the-left-hand-lane-club.  Then I could consolidate my fury into one week.

I thought I would compile a list of driving habits that are guaranteed to make even the most sane, insane.

1.  Slow-ass drivers.
2.  People who hang out in the left lane.  There are subgroups to this one:

Subgroup A:  People who drive fast in this lane and come up on your tail so quickly that you have to look for flashing lights to make sure they aren't pulling you over.  If you are in that much of a hurry maybe you should have left sooner or put your hazards on.

Subgroup B:  People who drive the exact speed limit in the left hand lane.  Also known as people who can't read the sign that says slower traffic keep right.  Or are blind because they can't see the LONG ASS LINE of cars behind them.

Subgroup C:  People who drive 5 miles over the speed limit.  See SubGroup B.

Subgroup D:  People who drive in this lane even if there is no traffic around at all.  My husband does this.  Drives me crazy.  Makes me love him more.

3.  People who don't use their turn signals.  They are there for a reason, use them.
4.  People who match your speed when you are trying to pass them.  Oh, hell no.
5.  People who ride their brakes. 
6.  People who stop at stoplights 20 feet from the white line thing. 
7.  People who have a bunch of crap in their cars.  I know this doesn't really have to do with driving, but it has to be a distraction.  You know, those people who don't have a back seat because of too much stuff.
8.  People who let their dogs ride in their laps. 
9.  People who can't park and take up two spots due to their parking inability.  I can understand if you  have a nice car.  I can empathize.  But taking up two spots simply because you can't park is downright wrong.
10.  People who don't move over to let you merge onto the highway.

I'm sure there is more but I can't think of them right now.  I'm off to go get in my car and be the best driver.  EVER!

Get over it

Here's the thing.  Sleep is my friend.  I know this.  I embrace this.  I fail at this.  When I don't get sleep I get all weird like I did yesterday.  So I apologize for posting that.  It wasn't cool.  Wasn't me.  (Seeing as how I am uber-cool)

Little boy has decided that sleep for mommy is like crawling for him.  He wants it, but not enough to actually let it happen.

Yesterday was just one of those days that I will laugh about in restrospect, although it isn't far enough removed for restrospect to be in play yet.  Little boy woke up at 2:30 and didn't go back to sleep until 3:15 and again at 5:30.  Mommy didn't get to bed until midnight (all my fault).  So I got very little sleep.  And given his recent tendency to bite me, I no longer fall asleep while nursing him.

Then I couldn't get him to take his nap, he was crying and it just isn't like him.  Daddy swooped in to save the day, must to my disappointment.  Disappointed that mommy wasn't the cure-all.  Then I was sufficiently late for work.  But I had to stop by Chick fil a and get a tray because we were having a breakfast meeting and we all brought in stuff.  So I got a coke and some hash browns to go with it.  I know, breakfast of champions.  My hash browns ended up on the floor of my car after I stopped at a stop light and the drink ended up with a puncture the size of a straw.  That would be from the straw after I bent over to pick up said hash browns from the floor.  Don't worry, I waited until I was in the parking lot at work to do this.

That was the last straw.  Literally and figuratively.  I was just done.  Then one of my awesome coworkers was walking by my car, saw the poured out coke and hashbrown on the ground and made the mistake of asking if I needed help.  Poor guy.  He is married and has children so I'm sure he is empathetic.  But I still started to cry.  And I hate crying. 

With the help of caffeine I made it through the day and by the time I got home and saw my sweet boy all was better.  And I actually got some sleep last night so all is well.  Well, mostly well.  Well, there are still a million things I would change but not today.  Today is not for worry about what might be but for appreciation of what is.  "Is" may not be perfect, but it is mine and I'll make the best of it all.