Never Ever

I recently learned you should never say never.  Unless, of course, you are saying never to say that you will never say never. 

Then I think you are safe.

Stepping onto my Soapbox

I'm not a fan of beauty pageants or scholarship programs or whatever they like to call themselves.  I believe it comes from a lifetime of no talent and awkward looks.  However, I supported my sister in beauty pageants because she has neither a lack of talent nor awkward looks.  Understandably, she did quite well in them.  I remember, though, when Miss Teen South Carolina offered the guffaw inducing answer to her question.  Can't remember the question and can't remember the answer, probably because it made no sense.  But I saw an interview with her later and it didn't seem to diminish her spirit. 

The Miss USA pageant was on recently and I watched about a nanosecond of it.  Enough to realize that most of the hair colors and boobs were fake.  And the fact that this is rewarded is a bit disturbing.  Inevitably it came time for the infamous question and answer.  I'm convinced they give the girls an idea of what the questions might be so they can be somewhat prepared and not make a fool of themselves on live tv.  Which in retrospect may not be that poor of an idea.  However, I read the next day about answers that Miss Texas gave to her question and for which she received a loud ovation.  Miss Texas indicated that wives of politicians shouldn't stand beside their spouses who are admitting to adultery and go out and find a man who loves them.

Well.  Isn't that high and mighty of her?  Given that it is the Miss USA pageant, Miss Texas has not been married.  Miss Texas has not taken an oath in front of her God to stand by her husband.  Miss Texas has not made a choice to be part of a pair that makes a whole.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Adultery is wrong.  It is a sin.  It is painful, disrespectful, and all together bad.  However, the Bible also says having lustful thoughts is considered adultery and I think you may be hard pressed to find someone that couldn't be convicted of that sin. 

I'm so tired of people saying that wives of cheating husbands (or vice versa)  are somehow inferior for choosing to stay in their marriage.  For choosing to believe that their marriage can prevail.  If anything, those spouses who choose to stay are stronger.  The easy way out is to leave without trying to work on the marriage.  To wash your hands and be absolved of having to work through it.  Understandably that is the first reaction.  But it isn't always the right one.  That is for the husband and wife to decide.  Sometimes the choice is to divorce.  And that is OK, but it is each person's right to determine what is best for them.

I implore Miss Texas, even though she is a beauty queen and will surely never have to deal with an adulterous spouse, to hesitate to judge these women.  At some point every person has to make a choice about their love with their spouse.  Because we all know that initial feeling fades and you are left with what you make of it.  You are left with a choice.  Each person has their own reasons for those decisions.

That's all.  Off my soapbox.

A letter

Dear Little Boy,
Every night I put you to sleep and marvel at how wonderful God is.  And then you usually wake up before I want you to and somehow I am still thankful.  But usually only after I make the trek to your room to get you.  Once I see you, I can't be upset.  It amazes me how much I can love someone.  You can't tell me you love me yet with words, but I know you do.

You perk up when you hear my voice.  You also do this for your daddy, but this letter is from me so we aren't going to talk about all the ways I know you love him.  I think you have a special smile just for me.  When I wake you up and whisper "Hi, stinker", you smile before your eyes are even open.  When I'm nursing you there is always a pair of feet touching me.  I have taken to removing your socks so that your skin can touch mine.  You like this a lot.  Often times you will rub your feet on my arms like it is a safety blanket.  I can tell it is comforting to you.  You want my attention on you while you are eating too.  If I look away from you; out the window or at the clock, you immediately stop nursing and look at my face, as if to get my attention back to you.  Don't worry, my attention is never gone long.  When I pick you up you have taken to resting your head on my shoulder, even if you aren't tired.  You also pull my hair.  A LOT.  I think this is so you can have my smell on your hands (or stray hair IN your hands), but I'm probably reaching a bit much on that one.

I know this time of your life passes all too quickly.  Its hard to believe that you are already 4 1/2 months old.  And I'm sad to know that I've already wasted too much time with frustration and sad feelings.  But I  know those days will happen. 

I write this for you, but just as much for me.  So I can remember these times later in life and know that I knew your love long before you could say the words.  You are the perfect addition to two lives that didn't know they needed you.

I love you,
Mommy

My head wasn't a fan, but my toe was

I never had a pedicure until I was about 28 years old.  I was always ashamed of my feet.  I didn't have pretty toe nails and I didn't want anyone touching them.  I remember when I got married my stepmother wanted to buy me a pedicure to go along with my manicure.  I flat out refused.  She was quite confused.  If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have blamed her. 

So I personally think it is a little cool that the toe nail on my big toe looks like Gumby's head.  Only red.  Like he was in some kind of battle and lost.  Or the teletubbies met him in a dark alley and won.  Regardless, I have a toe nail that is shaped like Gumby's head.  I think it is a bit cool.  BTW, I stubbed my toe and it broke the nail.  I didn't purposefully shape it like that.

I'm in love

I love butter.  Butter makes most things better.  Butter makes oatmeal and grits edible. 

I love butter.

Guilty is as Guilty does

I really don't even know what that title means. 

I realized what I dislike about myself the most today.  No, it isn't my nose.  No, it isn't even those 15 (ahem, ok 30) pounds that like my hips and thighs.  It isn't even my boobs (which have finally proven themselves necessary).  It's that I can let people guilt me into anything.  I've known this about myself for awhile, but I have just realized that I hate it. 

It is possible that this comes from being in a family of the all-time best guilt-trippers.  EVER.  Well, between my given family and my married one, anyway.  My sister in law likes to say that it is people's way of being southern.  In other words, asking if we have something as a way of getting someone to get it for you.  As in, "Honey, are you cold?"  Code for get me a dang blanket before I put my cold feed on your butt.  Or when you are driving past anywhere (usually Dairy Queen, hello Butterfinger Blizzard) and ask, "Honey, are you hungry?"  Code for, I'm freaking hungry and if you don't say you are too then I will feel like a fat cow and you should probably just pull over and get us both something even if you just ate Christmas dinner if you don't want to deal with my sulk after you say you aren't hungry.  Any my personal favorite, which was actually uttered by my husband, "Honey, do we have any water?".  Well, sweetie, I'm sure that since we live in the age of running water we do.  I think that was my actual response to him.  I don't think I actually got him that water.  Hey, I may be the easiest person in the world to guilt into something, but no one said I wasn't a smart aleck.

So back to the point.  I'm having a really (REALLY) hard time dealing with the fact that I spend less time with my most wonderful child than the person taking care of him.  The person is irrelevant.  I would have a hard time regardless who it was.  And now I feel bad that I feel that way.  What is wrong with me???  Well, I feel bad that she knows and I feel bad that she feels bad.  Seriously?  It sounds stupid to even utter that sentence.  So I looked up the definition on dictionary.com.  Not because I didn't know what it meant but because I needed a blog post.

guilt   

–noun

1. the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.

2. a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

3. conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs, etc.: to live a life of guilt.

So I've decided that I need to read this whenever I feel guilty to know that I haven't done anything wrong, committed no act to feel guilty about. 

Maybe I should just print this out for easy access.

A riddle

What do you get when you have a tired, lazy, working person?

Me.  And my excuse for not posting.