Bittersweet memories

I have a wonderful sister in law (Brad's sister).  I don't talk about her much on here because I am selfish.  But today is her birthday (yes, only 4 days after Brad's), yesterday was her daughter's birthday and today is one of her son's birthdays.  I guess at the point when you start having kids it is ok to have birthdays close to or the same as your children.  At least that way you are guaranteed cake and presents, even if they aren't for you.

I used to think my sister in law didn't like me.  I was very nervous around her, which could be why I broke a piece of her stemware.  She just seems so...perfect.  She is raising 4 extremely well behaved boys.  She homeschools them.  She cooks dinner (I can't even do this and there is only two of us).  She finds time to do things I can only dream about.  And she is so stinking smart. 

You may notice that I mentioned her daughter's birthday and that she was raising 4 boys.  Her daughter would have been 14 now, if the tumor had not taken her too early.  She would be texting her friends, reading so many books, brushing her long dark hair.  She would be having crushes, singing along to songs on the radio.  She would be fighting with her brothers, and probably her parents.  She would be reading about God, instead of being in Heaven.  She would be talking about what she wants to be when she grows up.  She would be beautiful. 

Caroline was a stronger Christian at three than I am at 33.  Her love was so pure you couldn't mistake it.  And her smile and giggle so contagious I catch myself smiling now, just thinking of her.  Even if she isn't here, she still brings joy. 

My heart goes out to her parents and brothers right now.  None of her brothers got to meet her, but they all know her.  While the memories of Caroline are too few, they are strong enough to last a lifetime. 

I have a Goal

We are starting a Biggest Loser contest at work Monday.  I am competing.  The contest runs for 10 weeks and I'm not sure what is a healthy goal.  I would like to lose about 30 lbs total (not in 10 weeks).  Can anyone tell me what a realistic goal should be for the contest? 

Let me count the ways...

Most of you know Brad's birthday was Thursday.  He turned older than he would probably like to admit, but he is still older than me.  ;)  I've had the honor of being in his life for 14 years now.  Brad and I have been through a lot and I'm actually thankful for that.  I'm thankful to know that we didn't take the easy way out and I know we can make it through anything. 

I often comment to Brad that I wish he could understand how much I feel when I tell him I love him.  Not the times when we are hanging up the phone, but when I feel it so deep in my heart that I can't think of anything else to say to him.  Due to my lack of words with him, I thought I would give you faithful readers a few of the reasons I think Brad is awesome. 

 1.  Have you seen him?  He is hot.
 2.  He is my personal electric blanket at night.
 3.  He can make a really good fire.
 4.  He is a great cook.
 5.  He makes sure my car is functioning properly.
 6.  When he sits beside me on the couch he always lets me prop my feet on him.
 7.  He is passionate about the things he loves and he wants to share them with those that mean the most to him.
 8.  He lets me go to bed at 10:00.
 9.  As much as I hate to admit it, I know he will eventually let me get my way...on most things.
10. I trust him completely.
11. I love it when he holds my hand, even if just for a minute. 
12. He will give me a compliment just when I need it...like when I'm complaining about the size of my butt.
13. I love to hear him play music and sing.
14. I love that he has salt and pepper hair.
15. I love his mischeivious smile.  But I know I usually don't want to know what he is thinking when I see that smile.
16. He is an amazing handyman.  He can fix anything.
17. He showed me grace.  And he continues to show me grace.
18. He taught me how to love. 
19. He is a good man.  An amazing man. 
20. I can't imagine my life without him. 

I'm afraid this post doesn't do him justice.  But it does have one really long list so that makes me happy!

Mama said there'd be days like this

Actually, she didn't, but I wish she had.  One of my friends uses song titles as the titles for all her blog posts.  I think that is a great idea, I stole it from her today (not the title, but the idea).

Today is a crappy day.  There is just no other way to say it.  C.R.A.P.P.Y.  And it's only 9:00.  Yesterday I played with the idea of taking a vacation day today.  God put that reason in my head for a reason.  He knew I would think it was a crappy day.  But me, being the person I am, decided I shouldn't waste it. 

Go ahead, you know you want to say it.  Here, I'll say it with you.  

IDIOT.

Sometimes I wonder if what I have done is so bad.  Most days I know it is, but all days I know that regardless what I have done, He is not punishing me.  Even if I think it feels that way. 

I'm not trying to illicit pity.  But if you want to shower me with gifts, chocolates, and flowers, who am I to stop you.  No, really, I won't stop you.  Honestly. 

But there are some days I just want to feel like a normal person.  And the things I want are normal.  I want to be a mom.  I want to pick up my own screaming child and console them.  I want to be the one that they want when they are sick.  I want to be a better wife.  The one my husband deserves.  I want to have a smaller butt. 

I think it is hard for people to truly empathize with the issues of others.  As much as we try, we cannot.

And believe it or not, I am truly happy for my friends that have the things I want.  I don't look at them and harbor jealous thoughts.  But today, I just want to be happy for me.  And I'm not there yet, but I'm hoping.

Small one before a bigger one

I've been intimidated by the next post I want to write...so like any good person, I'm procrastinating.  Please don't have any illusions of grandeur, after all it is just me.

To pass the time, I thought I would tell you something about my first baby, Maddie.  We've had Maddie for almost 13 years, adopted her when she was a puppy.  She is an ornery old lady, but we love her.  I took her to the vet yesterday for a check up.  The vet said she was one of the healthiest 90 year olds he's ever met.  We know it will be a very difficult day when we have to say goodbye.  However, there are times that she tries to change my mind about that.

Case in point, yesterday.  I had five $1 bills in my purse.  They were in my purse because I was too busy (read:  too lazy) to put them in my wallet.  Today I had four $1 bills in my purse.  I found my purse turned over with many contents removed, including the dollar bills.  Sadly, it isn't the first time.  But last time it was a $20 dollar bill and it only had teeth marks in it.

Maddie decided it would be fun to see how money tasted.  I'm betting not great, but apparently better than the $20 bill.

My first riddle

What do you get when you have too many days of snow/rain/sleet?  A wet ground.

What do you get when said wet ground no longer allows the drainage spout to move water away from the house?  A clogged drainage spout.

What do you get when said clogged drainage spout has no where to put the tons of water still coming down?  Water in your heating ducts.  (don't ask me how that happens)

What do you get when said water in heating ducts is in said heating ducts?  A funny noise that sounds like there is lava gurgling inside your walls whenever the heat turns on.

What do you get when you realize the problem is too much rain/sleet/snow, a wet ground, a clogged drainage spout, water backed up into heating ducts, and the gurgling effect?

A husband who is a good sport about having his picture taken while his wife has been indiscreetly laughing at the amount of mud flying from clearing the clogged drainage spout. 

Peace and Quiet

I decided to be a good wife and listen to my husband for once. It is snowing today and instead of putting my job before myself, I decided to go in late. Actually, it was only after my boss called me and told me to go in late that I decided it was ok.

So I'm sitting in my kitchen diligently working. My dogs are standing beside me, diligently whining. Incessantly whining. Holy crap why are they whining so much? PLEASE STOP THE WHINING! And if it isn't the whining they are walking underneath my legs, back and forth, back and forth. Honestly, I wonder if people are ever committed for this level of insanity.

I let them outside (they LOVE the snow). I let them inside (they love the heat). I strongly discourage them from whining. Just go lay down! There are beds all over the house for nap taking - do what you do all day when we aren't here.

Then it hit me...they just want to be close to me. So I went downstairs, got two beds and within seconds, this was the result.

 

It's nice to be right.  But it is better to be loved.